Soon after my last post, I visited the doctor for a VERY ROUTINE checkup. It was time for some cyber-human intercourse otherwise know as a colonoscopy. Here are some colonoscopy takeaways:

1. Gay men make the best colonoscopy patients, I think. I was looking forward to it!
2. Then again, what if I get an IH-O*? "Well, that's why we put you to sleep..."
3. "Can I watch?" I asked. "Refer to #2"
4. Why do I always sleep through the best parts?
5. "Did I get the hemorrhoid before or after the procedure, Doc?"

Anyway, all good down there. But(t), in the course of meeting with the gastroenterologist we discussed my problem with swallowing (I know, right?) so he suggested we do the scope from the top-down, too. Besides stretching out my throat a bit (I KNOW!) there were no ulcers or monsters in the upper G.I. EXCEPT...

He noticed a 'bulge' pushing into my stomach. Which could be nothing, but is definitely SOMETHING so we can't let it just go, ya know? After 3 months of blood tests, x-rays, ultra-CATs and biopsies the doctors discovered a cancerous mass in my liver the size of a mandarin (um, a tangerine - what were you thinking?). The good news is we FOUND IT, because there was NO OTHER INDICATION OF CANCER - I felt fine, no blood markers, even the first biopsy was negative. If I hadn't complained, and the Doc hadn't been paying attention, and the team hadn't been persistent: I would have surely died as liver cancer is really a bad hombre. Also very, very sneaky...

EVEN BETTER NEWS is the awesome folks at California Pacific Medical Center Hepatology Cancer and Liver Transplant Clinic (I think their official name is actually longer than that) were able to completely remove the cancer surgically. So as of today I am cancer AND transplant free! As a bonus gift, they tell me the missing liver will even grow back.

Someday I will be able to talk about the emotional and moral journey around the idea of taking a transplant. But today, I'm just glad to have survived the 6+ hour surgery and recovered enough to get back to work after my 3 month 'vacation'.

TAKEAWAY FOR YOU:

1. Colonoscopies save lives - MAYBE YOURS - get one.
2. Don't be satisfied with the first answer - listen to your doctor AND ask a lot of questions!
3. LIFE HAPPENS - appreciate and use EVERY MINUTE!

*IH-O -- Inappropriate Hard-On